Ups and Downs

Living one's life by means of goals is not always an easy task. Of course, as with anything that is really worth doing, there are the ups and downs. As follows are some examples from within my personal experience:

Goal: Bunji Jump
Bunji jumping, although one of the things I always really wanted to do (one of my original list), was one of the most difficult tasks for me to complete. This, of course, was not a task difficult due to time constraints, persistence, or logistical difficulties as with many goals, but that of overcoming pure and utter fear. Yes- FEAR. Bear in mind that I had completed another goal prior to this one in the area of extreme sports: sky diving. However, bunji jumping was far worse. For one thing, I actually had to jump off the bridge myself rather than being pushed. Two, I could see clearly each and every rock of the river that I would hit if for some reason the towel and bunji cord failed me. However, despite the all-time low when I actually had to sit back down to think over all that was ever good in my life, I managed to step off the platform and take the plunge. While I'd love to say the up came afterward (which it inevitably did when the bunji reached it's max tension- no it did NOT break), the shaking of my legs that almost prevented me from climbing back up to the bridge was almost another down. However, that night sitting above Queenstown, New Zealand in a friend's cabin- the sense of accomplishment at crossing-off one of the items on my life-list finally settled-in. Tried it once- probably never again- but it was done.

Goal: Maintain Healthy Weight and Exercise
This goal has been one of my all-time biggest struggles thus far in life. While many would say this should be easy, for me it is not. I can easily set aside time to dream, to plan, to organize, to clean, even to cook healthy food... but to exercise consciously every day has never been a strong point. Even when I do, it just does not seem to do much for my weight. Perhaps as I am genetically disposed (my mother went through Bariatric Surgery to get down from almost 350 pounds in her late 30s), perhaps due to lifelong bad eating/exercise habits- it's always an uphill battle. At one point during university, I was up to nearly 200 pounds and had been struggling ever since 175 pounds to keep it under control. That being said, I've spent the last three years taking back every pound and am now at a "normal" BMI for my height. Plus, I have a fairly regular exercise plan as well as plenty of experience in super healthy eating thanks to my many hippie friends at home and abroad. Here's to hoping I can keep it up! To lifelong goals!

Goal: Graduate University- Bachelors, Masters, PhD
Why did I put these together on my goal list? Honestly, isn't it hard enough to get done with just one level? Yes, yes it is. As I write this blog entry, I am currently 2/3 the way done with this goal (well, maybe not in terms of the time commitment, but in words) having completed my undergrad and masters degrees. While it only took 5 years to get that far, I am currently on a minimum of a 3-year break from academia. What is so hard about this goal? We watch TV and all we see are the parties and dorm room drama, but for me the logistics of it all is the killer. I love to multitask, but doing a university degree of whatever sort whilst working, volunteering, and maintaining relationships is a pretty rough balancing act. So before I take the last big step into the academic world at the level of a PhD candidate, I am going to focus on the other 3 areas. I'm sure soon enough, I'll need a break from the real world and can get back to my studies. Until then, I feel like we can say I'm on the downhill slope of this goal. When I hit the valley and walk far enough to see the next peak ahead of me- it's time to head back up.

Goal: Serve with the Peace Corps
They say "it's the toughest job you'll ever love" and it is certainly the truth. A big low point in this particular goal was actually before I ever even became a Peace Corps Volunteer. It was the decision to follow this particular dream- to see past all the stereotypes and obstacles- that made this one so difficult. A seeming change of heart and lack of motivation, quite possibly the most difficult down point to overcome. During my graduate studies, I learned all about the critical side of international development, arguing that the developed world is actually disabling the developing through its handouts and assistance under self-serving agendas. Cast in this light, it was hard for me to feel I could do any good joining the Peace Corps or even continuing my career path in international service. However, after much soul-searching and reading The Alchemist by Paulo Coehlo (highly recommend it), I decided to reach for my childhood goal consciously armed with the knowledge that I could do more harm than good but determined to try and do the later. Now that I am currently in the midst of my Peace Corps service, I see obstacles in isolation, frustration, and idleness. Yet, every day I learn something new and every day brings hope. That's certainly something to get out of bed for.

Goal: Speak 3 Languages Fluently
By far the most demanding and unforgiving goal I've ever placed upon myself. As a visual, then kinetic, and THEN auditory learner, language acquisition and learning is not a simple task. I thank the heavens every day that I already speak English, as making it beyond one language has had me nearly in tears for literally over a decade. Thus far in my life, I have only really concentrated on learning Spanish as my second of three languages which I someday hope to speak fluently. Other languages I have dabbled in include Japanese, Korean, German, and Guarani. However, after 3 years of study in high school, obtaining a degree in Spanish as an undergraduate, and working/living in 3 different Spanish-speaking countries for what adds up to be nearly 10 months now, I still cannot spit out a complex sentence without a minimum of two rather simple errors. This is not to say that I do not see improvement on a daily basis, but it certainly goes to show that some goals may never be achieved to a perfectionist's level. The real question in all this for me is: Is alright enough? At what point can I cross this goal off my list? Hmm... I suppose I still need to get on top of language number three as of yet. So, a long long way/time to go.

Goal: Live Abroad
Having now studied and "lived" (which is funny word because I'm not actually sure what constitutes as having lived in another country versus visited... I feel like there is some imaginary line that divides the two after a couple of months- input would be greatly appreciated to help me clarify) in several countries on 5 continents, I feel like I can safely outline the ups and downs of culture shock and adjustment. Long and short of it, the hardest part is never being with everyone that you love when you want to be. And once you've lived in one foreign country far away from those you love, you are then always far away from someone you love. It's funny- now, no matter where I am, I feel like I'm living in a foreign country. If home is where the heart is- where do I make mine? If I could have all my favorite people packed in my suitcase all the time, I think that all the downs to travel (even missing green chile, running water, comfortable beds, familiar languages) would dissipate completely. There is nothing like sharing all that adventure with others.

I think that this list of challenges to living a life by goals could go on and on. Contrary to what some may say- it's a darn good thing. What would life be like without a little challenge? Conflict can be both a source of frustration as it can a motivation for positive change. Achieving one's goals wouldn't be near so meaningful if they were always so simple to accomplish.

The Vision

It's my motto and my life's purpose- without it I simply wouldn't be me.

VISION

It's not to say that I know where I am going or even that I plan my meanderings from day to day, but that above all I have an idealism about the future. I've got ideas, I've got adventure, I've got vision.

This being the case, it thus seems completely understandable that as a young high school freshman I saw it fit to develop a list of life goals. Yes, I sat down and thought out all the things I wanted to do with my life. It's funny- have you every noticed that when one writes down her goals they all of the sudden become obtainable? It's absolutely true. By my early twenties I realized that I'd crossed off most everything on my list. What now?

Well, of course- add more to my list!

So, here I am with an even larger list of goals and the rest of my life to get it all done. In tribute to writing down my goals and where that can take you in life- this blog and its subsidiaries are here to outline my progress and keep me on track. As some of my goals are already complete, I will try to fill in some of the blanks when I've got my writing cap on. For those new and upcoming challenges, feel free to join me in the trials and tribulations.